Didn’t notice you were crying too…

One of my favorite David Crowder Band songs is “All I Can Say” The bridge goes like this:

“I didn’t notice You were standing here
I didn’t know that
That was You holding me
I didn’t notice You were cry’n too
I didn’t know that
That was You washing my feet”

This song sums up how I have been feeling over the past month. Between having a high fever for over a week and then being better but exhausted for a week. Then the following week having a upper respiratory bug. In the middle of feeling very poorly my aunt died.

Being so far from home while my family was going through this trying time was difficult. I am thankful for Margie’s friendship because that has really helped me keep my focus and releasing the repressed emotions.

I find that I have spent a great deal of time with the lyrics to this song running through my head as a constant prayer to God in order to make it through my days. “This is all that I can say right now and I know its not much”

All I Can Say

In October the people of Leyte remember the Battle of Leyte, the day during WWII where General MacArthur landed here liberating the Philippines. MacArthur brought with him troops and some of those troops died in the effort. Charles Goldberg was one of the young men fighting in that beach battle. He was injured and went on to live a long life. He died last November and his last wish was to return to Leyte and have his ashes spread where his comrades in arms lost their lives.

Paul wrote Mr. Goldberg’s name in the sand and poured the ashes into the letters. Paul then spread some flower petals around the name. While waiting for the waves to wash the name away Paul shared the story of the gentleman’s life and read a couple of poems. The ceremony was witnessed by the committee that arranged Leyte Landing Day. There were construction works near by and they stopped and respectfully witnessed the events. The military band played Taps and saluted a fellow soldier.

I cried because while I was standing there I was thinking about my aunt how I would not be with my family for her funeral service. There was something cathartic about participating in Charles Goldberg’s send off in lieu of my aunt’s.

I was already feeling homesick and missing my friends and family. I miss being a part of a community where I am so well known and understood. I miss big salads and coffee with friends. I miss being around people who unconditionally love me and who always have a hug for me when I need one. As you might expect these feelings have intensified and I am finding myself opting to spend time alone when I don’t HAVE to be interacting with others. It is good for my introverted soul to be alone and seek comfort from God.

Habakkuk 3:17-19New International Version (NIV)

17 Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    he enables me to tread on the heights.

My joy is not dependent on my circumstances but on my God, He called me here and I serve with a joyful heart even while I grieve.

I do have many more pictures to share but that is a challenge for another day. After Mr. Goldberg’s ashes had washed away we stopped by the pool of the hotel that shares the beach we used. We enjoyed the view and a little of the floor show before heading home.

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2 thoughts on “Didn’t notice you were crying too…

  1. Can see the tears in your eyes in the photo near the pool, but also see peace and calm in your face. Your countenance reflected the verse you shared in Habakkuk perfectly. Thanks for sharing these posts, Chris. I can only imagine how hard it is to be away from home when you long to be there. But please know your friends back here are holding you close in prayer, thinking of you and missing you!

    Like

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